Personal Questionnaire

NAME: Ty King (born “Vladimir Repunzel McIntyre”)

AGE: 31 (lifetime average)

WEIGHT: Fluctuates between 190 and 200 pounds

HEIGHT: Fluctuates between 5’9″ and 6’1″

EYES: Limpid pools of fecal brown

HAIR: Approximately 135,284 from the neck up (7 from the neck down)

FAVORITE COLOR: Blue

FAVORITE COLOR IF THEY’RE OUT OF BLUE: Crimson… no, chartreuse

PERSONAL STRENGTHS: With only a couple of exceptions (Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast and Elementary School) I always finish what I start, no matter how difficult the

PERSONAL WEAKNESSES: None

FAVORITE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT: I’m not really a fan of any of them.

CURRENTLY READING: at a fifth-grade level

FAVORITE ACTOR GROWING UP: Millie Bobbie Brown

FAVORITE ACTOR ALREADY GROWN UP: Julianne Moore

FAVORITE FOOD: Bacon cheeseburger

WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT: Is that extra?

YES: Then, no thanks.

BAD HABITS OTHER THAN NOSE-PICKING: If “nose-picking” is off the table, then “none.”

FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION: I’m not really a fan of any of them.

FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM: Please, don’t make me choose.

FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM: I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM: Houston Astros, okay. Are you happy now?

FINISH THIS SENTENCE: “I AM HAPPIEST WHEN”: Question mark

SPECIAL TALENTS: Penmanship, Rock-Paper-Scissors (the board game), subterfuge, baseball (if there were a Hall of Fame for baseball, I would definitely be in it), short division, “Where’s Waldo?”, pottery, waving (with either hand), the “How many fingers am I holding up?” game, building multi-family blanket forts, left turns, fixing snarled Slinkies, decoupage, chopsticks (both the eating utensils and the piano composition), peek-a-boo, evasion, professional scrapbooking, instrumental karaoke, and juggling up to two items.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS VANITY INTERNET THING?: Boredom. On a dare. To scratch a creative itch. To pick at an artistic scab. Lost a bet. To embarrass my two sons (“Hi, Nicholas and Jonathan. It’s Dad. On the internet. Hi, Nicholas and Jonathan’s friends. It’s Nicholas and Jonathan’s Dad. On the internet.”). To make new friends. To alienate old friends. To increase my typing speed. To give me something to pass the time while waiting for my porn to download (“Hi, Nicholas and Jonathan’s friends. It’s Nicholas and Jonathan’s Dad. Downloading porn.”). Because it’s there. I’m sorry, what was the question?